Roddy used to be awesome. However the unhealthy combination of a ginger and some boobs have caused him to fade away. Long gone are the days that he would get a tattoo on his arse for banter. However catch him on a good night, and he will be tearing up the Exo dance floor with moves that us mere mortals can only dream about. As Captain Roddy will be looking after the club (oh god) and making sure that everyone gets to go on river trips to do cool shit.
Position: Vice Captain
Slalom Calum has been known around the paddling circuit for years, as has his reckless disregard for personal safety (as well as style). Calum has a love for prehistoric kit and all things rad, he spends his weekends drinking Jägerbombs and doing dumb shit in a rubber dinghy. Its true hes an odd one, and dont let his resemblance to a sheep fool you, Calum will probably teach you something in a kayak no matter how experienced you are. Our Vice Captain will ensure everyone gets out on a variety of rivers and that Freshers Weekend is as carnageous as always.
When shes sober, Jessica seems like a perfectly practical and sensible young lady. I guess thats why we gave her the most responsible job of looking after all the club money. However, see her after two Southern Comforts and a Cheeky Vimto at a motown Tuesday and you will see the flip side of the coin. Jessi is great fun both on the river and on a night out but cross her in a game of polo and shell unleash the midget fury. Our treasurer will make sure all our money is kept safe and not spent on jelly beans by Peden.
Yes, we know he is grumpy and irritable. So far we have learned of only two things that will make him happy, kayaking and whisky. Lets hope get gets plenty of both of these this year. Murray is in charge of our sexy website and all our admin stuff. Hes been hanging around the club for a few years now and we cant seem to get rid of him so we decided to give him a job. Im sure you will see a lot of him this year and with his unique methods of getting changed at river get ins you will probably see more of him than you want to (Im talking about his dick).
Position: Social Sec.
Funny lookin? Sex obsessed? Accident prone? Turd burglar? Ginger weirdo? Horny little creature? However you describe Greg he is as loveable as a fuzzy puppy and always up for banter, thats why we put him in charge of our social activities. With 2 nights out a week and 2 massive pub crawls to organise Gregs job is a daunting one. Luckily persuading canoe club to go out drinking is never too much of an issue. Greg has worked up a healthy addiction to morphine over the summer with his numerous visits to hospital. Lets hope this year he spends less time hurting himself and more time having glasses of orange juice (if yknow what I mean *wink*nudge*).
Position: Competition Sec.
Peden impressed us all last year by joining the club as a queer little fresher who almost instantaneously irritated EVERYONE in the club with his drunken screaming and nakedness. However, we all soon began to recognise that Pedens alcohol fuelled antics, his affinity for nudity and his reckless desire to do pull the most ridiculous stunt on the river actually summed up everything that Canoe Club stands for. This year he is in charge of getting you all to as many competitions as possible. Whether youre into slalom, polo, freestyle or white water racing, Peden will get you there, and if not, at least he will be a source of hilarity.
Position: Equipment and Safety
An old hand at the club, Brodie knows a little bit more than youd want to know about XP 4 layer fabric and foam-core paddle shafts. However, his interest in even the dullest aspects of paddling kit makes him an ideal candidate to be in charge of looking after our boating kit and safety equipment. Its possible to catch a wild Brodie when he is wasted trying to climb up/fall off a variety of objects around town. Brodie once tried to chat up a girl by discussing the advantages of carbon fibre playboats over plastic. He didnt get the girl but he won our hearts and his place as Equipment and Safety officer. (Joe would be disappointed if at this point if I didnt mention that Brodie once shat himself)
Dont be put off by her stupid name or pea shaped head, Texa has impressed us with her keen dedication to the club. It is this reason that we put her in charge of raising as much money so we can have the very best year possible with the very least expense to you guys. Ceilidhs, bake sales, sponsors, Texa will do it all to make sure we have an adequate amount of money for sensible things like new kit, fuel subsides and competition entry fees as well as dumb stuff like paddling pools and gallons of baby oil. You will recognise Texa straight away as the small, loud, ginger one. Also boobs. Big boobs.