The Committee

Murray Philp

Position: Captain

Murray is the epitome of bawbaggery - lust, cynicism, pubic hair and a black sense of humour were the key ingredients used to create our Captain Murray. Not added to this potent mix was a sense of shame and enough clothing to get him through the day. Despite Murray's “lackings”, he is in charge of us on and off the river. He gets the river and drunken carnage going and consequently soothes the sports union in our wake. Murray is a keen boater, just as long as water does not splash in his eyes and makes him swim. When nae danger and bacon fail to revive Murray from his whisky induced stupor, all he needs is a smelly river poo and a N'esk run to feel all better. You will soon get to know ALL of Murray far more intimately than you would wish, either by being confronted by the ultimate dilemma cock or ball, or when he woos you back to his lair with his smooth moves and whaling harpoon.

Calum Peden

Position: Vice Captain

Caluuuuum Peeeeeeeedaaaaan from the land of OBAAAAAAAAAN is a special soul. His complete disregard for personal hygiene, sobriety, clothes, academic achievement and anything other white water missions may have had something to do with the fact that he was a virgin until almost 20, but it is these very attributes that makes him well suited the canoe club lifestyle. Peden is well known for his ridiculous antics as he will do almost anything once persuaded it’s a good idea. You may see/smell Peden terrorising the bouncers of particular aberdonian nightclub any night of the week with his drunken petty crimes and bombflow derived catch phrases but we can all be relieved that his ban has been lifted. His limited social skills are obscured by his inept desire to run the “gnar” and this year we look forward to seeing what he gets up to in his kayak as well. This year Peden has in key role organising the club, responsible for the biggest party of the year (and your lifes) Fresher’s Weekend as well as organising club river trips and so on.

Texa S(w)im

Position: Treasurer

Texa may be small, ginger and a vegetarian but she has still managed to acquire some newly founded mad skills in a boat and an excellent ability in getting drunk on a night out in town. Texa is now is now in her 4th year of the club so we thought we would intrust her with all monies. Meaning she will be making sure that there is enough money for awesome trips and that we don't spend it all on beer. Texa will be a common sight on rivers and at social nights You will probably hear before you see her but just incase you don't she is the ginger one with massive boobs.

Ciaran Burgess

Position: Secretary

Now lets make one thing clear from the off - Ciaran IS a big vagina. Leaving this obvious trait out, you will find him most often being a big vagina. Vagina. As well as digits infiltrating his dignity he is a man who loves nothing more than running knar, getting lairy in town and fixing the website, which is his new job as secretary. Good lad. Going from a regular swimmer to a competent paddler in the space of a year proves this boy got sand, Ciaran will be a regular face to see on river trips and will always be a giant vagina to help.

Penny Coles

Position: Social Sec.

Penny Coles is possibly the most disgusting female I’ve ever met, with a growing list of debaucheries including; romping in an open tent so everyone could see and flashing club members with more than just her bum on the river. Penny sure does enjoy the canoe club way of life, which one of the reasons we have entrusted her as our Social Secretary. She is a true wild child, and will quickly encourage our new members, and those returning, to party hard. She’ll be in charge of bagging a fantastic place to drink and have fun after every pool session as well as dosing out a good amount of peer pressure to get as many of you out as possible!

Leslie Simpson

Position: Competition Sec.

Ladies, you must watch out for Leslie Simpson. Now I don’t mean watch out due to his tendencies towards sex-pestery, which applies to many of the club males. No, watch out that his gentlemanly charm and shapely figure doesn’t make you lose grip of your paddle and drown. There is not much our Leslie cannot do, yet his lack of boat beat down is building up into what’s promised to be a funny and carnageous future swim. Leslie is our competition secretary, and being a dab hand at slalom/ polo faggotry and other competition related things, will be in charge of making sure we get to all the important contests which run year round.

Greg Gray

Position: Safety and Development (SAD) Officer

With his hairdressing skills we are not sure why he is at university. His great dislike for polo may stem from the fact there is no uses for 4:1 pulley ratios. That said, having been the casualty in two serious accidents last year (only 1 of them paddling), he has become by far the most safety conscious member of the club and we are glad to have him as our safety and development officer. As one of the most disgusting individuals in the club he can often be found with his bell end pressed against your car window or taking pictures of his arsehole from angles which somehow make it look like a very moist (and hairy) vagina. Greg’s job on the committee is to organise river trips and training days/courses and keeping everyone safe which I think that includes protecting girls on nights out from our resident sexual predator, and captain, Murray


Position: Fundraiser

Our cheese loving, crazy Dutch, old (sorry, it comes with being in 5th year) and banterful Fundraiser! Having been in the club for four year prior, Meike has extensive knowledge about the clubs needs and wants, her loyal commitment and determination has landed her with the job of fundraiser this year! She'll be working hard to organise ceilidhs, bake sales and other wacky ideas in order to help out the clubs money pot! It's to be noted that soft things do not impress this Dutch lady, only cheese. Sex and cheese are what she lives for. I have to mention that in France, Meike "accidentally poo-ed" (shit herself) whilst having no toilet paper and had to flush away her favourite pair of panties as no one came to her rescue! She also once had sex on a tractor and has boobs, massive boobs.